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Should a Cheating Man Confess?
There is a fine line between being honest with a person for your
own relief and benefit, and being honest with them for theirs. This
crucial issue is given a thorough examination, but is tempered by
the fact that human beings are quite able to accept each other’s
faults, when honesty prevails in a timely manner.
I did it
It’s easy for a man to confess the lies that he tells himself,
but far harder for him to confess the truth , which possibly explains
why only 16% of men confess their cheating to their partner .
When humans foresee a threat, they prepare for a fight or a desperate
flight from certain defeat by a clearly superior adversary, and
so often the cheating man sees only two alternatives, to lie and
confuse the victim while still diffusing her anger, or to tell the
truth and risk even worse consequences.
Yet, for her own well being, the victim may be wise to let nature
take its course in this unfortunate predicament, and listen patiently
without engaging too actively in the process of confession.
Knowing too little or knowing too much about a partner’s
infidelity can be harmful to the victim, as their imagination runs
wild to torment them and may even cause memory trauma .
Telling more lies
It seems logical to find that once trust is betrayed, the healing
process would probably begin with a confession to the victim. Some
would advise that it is far better to confess a transgression of
this sort, before the victim discovers the infidelity of her own
accord . Still it is advised that a confession not be selfishly
made, purely to make the perpetrator feel better, as a confession
places an enormous emotional weight upon the victim, and difficult
consequences lie ahead for both partners due to this unfaithfulness.
Odd as it may seem to advocate further deception, there is value
to sparing the already betrayed victim of infidelity more harm,
particularly if the acts of infidelity have spanned a large period
of time. Human beings after all, have limits to the emotional and
physical damage they can withstand at any one time.
Certainly, an honest appraisal and discussion about the relationship
is warranted, but if the innocent party is yet uninformed, there
seems little merit in devastating her simply in the interest of
a healthy discussion . A healthy airing of the relationship is possible
without this. Particularly if the perpetrator is willing to discuss
his feelings frankly, this may provide a healthy new direction for
the couple, which due to the infidelity itself, may well involve
a parting of ways.
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Forgiveness
Remarkably, 16% of women state that they would forgive their cheating
partner if it was a short one night affair .
This provides inescapable evidence that is far better for a cheating
man to confess his infidelity as soon as it occurs, before it has
the opportunity to grow and develop a far larger capacity to hurt
the innocent victim. On this basis, human beings can empathize with
each other, forgive each other, and truly accept each other’s
shortcomings.
Certainly when confessing here, a man who has cheated must be
absolutely honest. To hold back something at this point, is to make
your spouse more vulnerable .
Relationships take courage and effort, and this is clearly depicted
in the case where one party has failed the other, and has the prospect
of confessing their misdeed immediately, or allowing the lie to
grow into a potential relationship breaker.
Resources:
http://www.davesdaily.com/interesting/women-men-cheating.htm
http://changingminds.org/explanations/brain/fight_flight.htm
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html
http://menstuff.org/issues/byissue/cheating.html
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2294/is_55/ai_n19492624/pg_12
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/husband_not_confess.html
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